The Sun
by thisbe gwydion
Summary: Harry's only got one thing left, his memorie of the one person that hurt him the most, will he make it through? [songfic-one shot]


**"The Sun"**

**Maroon 5**

**_After school  
Walking home  
Fresh dirt under my fingernails  
And I can smell hot asphalt  
Cars screech to a halt to let me pass  
And I cannot remember  
What life was like through photographs  
Trying to recreate images life gives us from our past  
_**

Harry walked through the streets of London trying to remember Hogwarts. He'd spent seven years there with his two best friends, but sometimes it was hard for him to remember. Those seven years had been such a whirl wind of events that they seemed to fuse together into this thing that was simply fighting Voldemort. There were no late nights of Exploding Snap, only late nights of preparing to fight Voldemort. He couldn't help that the memories had been pushed away; he wanted them more than the fight to free the wizarding world. What good did memories of practicing and studying have now? He'd defeated the Dark Lord, but now he was left with nothing but those emotionless memories.

He'd had pictures; Colin Creevey had sent him doubles of everything he'd taken while Harry was there. He had pictures of him and his best friends waving happily, even pictures of him and Lockhart where Harry was hiding and Lockhart taking up the entire frame, but they meant nothing. They brought back no memories, no endearing moments when he knew who his friends really were.

**_And sometimes it's a sad song  
_**

He knew the times weren't always good. So many bad things had happened while he was there, but he knew he was always the hero. He'd done so many things, saved so many people, but did that matter when he couldn't remember? He knew he was a hero and that he was the boy who lived and the most famous wizard, but what did that matter? He'd saved lives that he could hardly remember, he'd lived while all of his family perished, and fame was lonely. He had the respect and awe of millions, and he had friendships, but he couldn't remember them. He had so many friends from Gryffindor that knew him and liked him, but he couldn't remember those times when they'd come through for him, the times when they'd cared about him not his fame.

**_But I cannot forget  
Refuse to regret  
So glad I met you  
Take my breath away  
Make everyday  
Worth all of the pain that I have  
Gone through  
And mama I've been cryin'  
Cause things ain't how they used to be  
She said the battles almost won  
And we're only several miles from the sun  
_**

There was one person he remembered. He could remember those intimate moments, the ones that would make any person blush, and the other moments that would make any girl fall in love with him.

He'd done everything right, treated her like a queen, but she'd turned her back on him. They'd spent so much time together, he'd spent so much time trying to make her happy, to make her fall in love with him, but she hadn't.

He wouldn't change it though. He wouldn't go back and stop himself from falling in love with her, he'd do it all over again just so he could keep at least some memories, even if they were sometimes painful.

Those memories were a link telling him that there were more memories there, there were more people waiting for him, even if he couldn't remember them.

**_Moving on down the street  
I see people I won't ever meet  
Think of her, take a breath  
Feel the beat in the rhythm of my steps  
And sometimes it's a sad song  
_**

She'd been so sweet, so beautiful, so perfect. He'd thought she was the one he'd marry, the one he'd spend the rest of his life with, but she wasn't. She wanted so spend her life with someone else, she loved someone else.

He wondered why she'd been so giving to him. They'd spent so many nights together, so many moments where love seemed to hang in the air. Was he wrong then? Did she once love him? She could have, maybe she loved them both. Maybe she was torn between the two and he'd done something wrong. Maybe it was his fault she left.

**_But I cannot forget  
Refuse to regret  
So glad I met you  
Take my breath away  
Make everyday  
Worth all of the pain that I have  
Gone through  
And mama I've been cryin'  
Cause things ain't how they used to be  
She said the battles almost won  
And we're only several miles from the sun  
_**

Those memories often lead him to tears, those assumptions that it was his fault made him break down when he was alone in his room. She was the only human contact he could remember, but he couldn't go back to her. She'd broken his heart, maybe it wasn't intentional, but she did it. Had she cared? Did she mean to do it?

He had to get over her though; it'd been so many years. He'd tell himself over and over that he had to forget, but he couldn't. He'd given her his heart, maybe it wasn't all he had to give, but it seemed like everything he had sometimes.

He was getting there, forcing himself to move on, forcing himself to spend hours trying to remember what his life was like. He was almost there, he would occasional touch the surface of his memories only to be to afraid to break through.

**_The rhythm of her conversation  
The perfection of her creation  
The sex she slipped into my coffee  
The way she felt when she first saw me  
Hate to love and love to hate her  
Like a broken record player  
Back and forth and here and gone  
And on and on and on and on  
_**

When he would touch the surface, memories of her would flood in. He could remember the early morning sunshine on her face, the first time they ever spent the night together, the static in their touch.

But they were just memories, something that would never again return.

He wished he could stop loving her, stop thinking about her so often; but she was stuck in his mind. She would stay there for hours flashing her beautiful smile, batting her eyelashes as she had so many times.

He had to move on, to forget something that was lost. He couldn't forget, those memories would always be there, he had to learn from them, to become a better person because of them.

**_But I cannot forget  
Refuse to regret  
So glad I met you  
Take my breath away  
Make everyday  
Worth all of the pain that I have  
Gone through  
And mama I've been cryin'  
Cause things ain't how they used to be  
She said the battles almost won  
She said the battles almost won  
And we're only several miles from the sun_**

A/N: You've taken the time to read... so please review!


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